Chapter Sixty Seven; Scooperama Time

Boy you people are nosy.

What happened to Julia? Is Susie still smiling? Has Sonja had any more dates with guys sporting wild game on their shirts? And what about Annie? Did she ever move all those shoes?

I can no longer ignore the questions popping up in my inbox begging for the Divorce Land dish, demanding to know what happened to the four girls who inspired me to start documenting our little unhitched adventures. (If you’re a new reader and are thinking, “Huh? Wha? Who?” click on the label “Four Girls One Story” to the right if you want to be like Paul Harvey and know “the rest of the story.”)

So here it is. The scope. The saga.

The Divorce Land updates.

I’ll start with Susie first, because of course, that woman could have her house burn down, her car stolen, lose her leg in a freak accident (wait, make that both legs, and possible a pinky finger) and still find the blinding bright side. In other words, yes, she is still smiling.

Susie is a rock. In a good way. What she endured last spring when her husband left is something that would harden many people's soul to stone. Not Susie's. She resisted the temptation to go numb and instead forged into the unknown with her faith, her family, and a resolve that proves she must be a descendant of Joan of Arc. Her emotinoal and spirtual strength rivals granite while her soul remains open to life's lessons and potential.

All last fall and through the winter she would call me every night and read to me from one of the 10,000 Christian devotionals she was devouring, “Oh, you have to hear this one. It’s perfect, get this . . .” and if for some reason I wasn’t available to take her call, you can bet I had a 5 minute voicemail of her inspired voice reciting scripture and expounding on the hope that tomorrow will bring.

I know, trust me, her endless pit of positive made me want to gag sometimes, but I couldn’t help but stand in awe.

On top of that, she also professed a sincere resolve to stay single while the rest of us jumped headfirst into our newly independent freedom. While the rest of us cooked Valentine’s Day dinners for our dates (with recipes Susie offered), took guys to hockey games (with tickets Susie was happy to share), smiley sunny single Suze insisted she would not date again until her children graduated from college.

She wanted time alone. She needed time heal.

Ah hem.

Whatever.

Leave it to Susie to find unexpected love at an unexpected place.

My fridge.

Yes, you read that correctly. An appliance. MY appliance.

I shitchya not.

Okay, here’s the story:

I threw a party last January.

Invited everyone I knew, including my friend, Brian, a guy I’d known since college. He went through a divorce last year as well (Side note: I know, is the big “D” contagious? It seems to be going around. Oh, and side note to the side note, no I never considered dating Brian. That guy is like my brother.)

Well idiot me never even thought about setting him up with Susie until they were both standing in my house snacking on pot luck. I walked in the room, took one look and instantly had a Facts of Life/Blair/Lightbulb moment and blurted, “Oh, have you two met? Brian meet Susie. Susie meet Brian. Brian, Susie goes to church. You two need to talk.”

And I promptly walked away.

Being cupid is certainly not difficult because its nine months later and those two are hotter than a couple of hormone infused teenagers.

I know. Thanks a lot universe. So not fair. I am at my refrigerator every day and the most exciting thing I'ver ever found is a forgotten cup of my favorite yogurt that had yet to expire, never once have I stumbled upon a hot single guy mulling nearby. (Maybe I should start reading more devotionals . . . )

I admit, at first I was a little weirded out when they started dating because I knew them both so well. Oh alright, a LOT weirded out. Brian is like my brother. Susie is like my sister. And, duh, yuck. The whole thing felt slightly incestuous. But I soon got used to it. I just made them both agree to never make me suffer through any details of the horizontal hustling nature unless they want to see me lose my lunch. For the most part, they have complied. If they haven’t, I just start gagging and run out of the room.

They usually get the hint.

So that’s Susie. She’s still woman-ing her proverbial lemonade stand offering everyone sips of the sweetness she squeezed out of the lemons life handed her.

And what about Sonja? Any more doctors with ducks on their shirts hanging around?

I am happy to report that Dr. Duck is history. And in his place is a guy that could not be more wonderful. Sonja and Nick were set up this summer by mutual friends but you would think they’ve been together since they were twelve. I’ve never seen two more compatible people. (And he’s only 26, while Sonja is 28, so of course I have to tease her about this cougar thing.)

Nick is in sales so he’s a charmer. I try to make sure I see that kid at least once a week just so I can hear him greet me with, “Audra, babe! You look amazing/fantastic/hot/gorgeous!” (Insert whatever adjective Nick is in the mood to use.) Forget, Sonja. I like having Nick around simply because he makes ME feel good, let’s be honest.

On top of that, it’s just great seeing Sonja so happy. This summer she learned more details about why her husband left her, and let’s just say that Sonja did not deserve that. It was heartbreaking. Therefore, I honestly can feel my heart smiling when I see those two together.

Of course they haven’t been dating all that long, but I have a good feeling about it. I sense a happily ever after there that I will feel lucky to simply watch unfold.

As for Annie, yes, she moved her shoes. She moved her life. And she continues to bloom where she has transplanted herself. She left behind a world that few of us will ever know, one of private jets, second homes and designer clothes. And when pressed about if she really misses any of those things her reply is so genuine you don’t doubt her sincerity for a second. “Are you kidding me?” she will challenge, “You know what all those things represent to me? They represent lonely. When I had those things I was lonely. And yes, I had a lot of things, but I had no love. That was a life full of things and empty of everything that truly matters.”

Annie moved out of her historic mansion and into a humble little character home. If she flies these days it is commercial. And she has had to learn a new word called, “budget.”

So yes, her house is smaller. But her grin is bigger.

And finally, Julia. What happened to Julia?

Julia is living an authentic existence. She left behind a lie of a life and is trying on truth. And you know what? She looks absolutely fabulous in it.

The woman whose smile used to be a projected façade constructed to promote the perception of perfection now laughs a laugh that, well, honestly? The cops were called once this summer because she was sitting in her backyard with friends one night laughing so damn loud that the neighbors turned her in.

For laughing.

Loudly.

I’d say Julia is doing pretty well if that’s the case, wouldn’t you?

So that’s the scooparama. That’s the update. La da da life goes on.

Divorced or not, what we can all relate to is that every day offers a new challenge or a new blessing. And oftentimes it’s simply your perception that determines which category it is assigned.

And oh yeah, I forgot to update you on one of the girls.

Me.

How am I doing?

Well, considering I have been blessed this year with the greatest gift life has to offer, real and true friends, I’d say I am probably one of the luckiest women I know.

Thank you, universe.

I guess you came through after all.

(Oooh, is that a raspberry yogurt hidden behind the salsa in the back of my fridge? Num . . .)